I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
