So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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