Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
