He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
