Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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