She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
