kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
