dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize