She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
