I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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