The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
