I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
