ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
