wakey wakey hands off snakey
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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