I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We have started to decorate penises.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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