If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
