Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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