A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
