i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
