My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My bed smells like the plague
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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