Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
