All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
