Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
