You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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