I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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