Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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