I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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