we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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