so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
