I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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