Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
