cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
