morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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