dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
