I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
