i'm signing you up for texting rehab
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
