ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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