just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
