I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
