So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
