can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
