Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
