If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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