I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
