If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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