Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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