this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
