I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
