Screwed.edu
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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