I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize