dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
