why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
