Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
