So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
