i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
