Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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