Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just pee around me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
