i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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