There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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