i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
