Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm really busy with my period
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