I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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