I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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