he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
