she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she pinky promised me she was 18
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
