the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
