At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
