Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
