Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
