You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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