its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
