I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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