I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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