the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
