she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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