I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize