I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
