the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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