there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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