That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize