I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
